Being married is hard work.
On the outside, everyone looks so happy. So when your marriage is hurting, you sit there and wonder why. You feel completely alone. After all, everyone else is happy, right? In the Disney fairy tale story, love conquers all, love wins in the end, and everyone lives happily ever after.
But it’s not happily ever after. Happily ever after will end around six months after you get married. He will do something weird or annoying, like leaving his dirty socks everywhere, burping and making other bodily functions so bad you will swear he’s not human…and he’ll laugh about it. He will leave his dirty dishes on the counter expecting YOU to wash them. He will pick his nose right in front of you, trim his toenails on the couch, and yell at the TV when his favorite team isn’t winning.
After dinner, he will just sit there like a bump on a log with his stomach extended, feeling pretty proud of himself as if HE cooked that meal. He’s annoying in every way and knows how to get on your last nerve.
I’ll tell you a secret. To him, you’re just as weird.
And when he holds your newborn baby until she falls asleep, you will look at her in his strong arms and your heart will melt to the floor. You will literally feel yourself a puddle of water.
When you’re out on the town across the room from him, he will look your way, flip his hair and wink at you, and you will gush like a little girl.
He will say your name and you will swear angels just spoke. Just looking into his soft blue eyes will make you all dreamy-eyed. That one look, that one hair flip will get you through several months of his disgusting behavior.
Because deep down you really do love him.
Listen, men are different than us. They always have been and they always will be. You can’t change that. You can’t change WHO he is. Isn’t that the person that you fell in love with in the first place? Those differences you thought were cute when you were dating are now blaring in your face and you just want to give up.
You lay awake at night wondering what happened to the guy you dated. What happened to the gentleman who took you to dinner and opened your car door? It’s two kids later, and he’s asleep and you are the one to have to take care of both of them.
You wake up super tired, while he is fully rested; he’s headed for work. You look around the apartment and wonder what the heck you’re doing with your life. You had plans – big plans – and now what? Now, you’re stuck with a seemingly ungrateful man and two kids who cry until you feel that you will lose it.
Welcome to marriage. The good, the bad, the ugly. Welcome to life. The good, the bad, the ugly.
No matter how bad you think you have it, no matter how awful you think your life is, I guarantee you that someone out there wants what you have.
In marriage, in life, in your job, at your next PTA meeting, there’s always going to be someone who has a better life than you. You’ll notice that. But you won’t give a second thought to the woman right beside you who thinks YOU’RE the luckiest woman on Earth.
It’s ALL ABOUT PERSPECTIVE.
You feel justified, so you complain; we all do. But is that really the truth? Is your husband really as bad as you think?
I know that sometimes we can feel like we have the worst circumstances in the world, but that’s not the truth.
Six years ago, I was homeless. My ex-husband left us high and dry for affair #2. I had not one penny in cash, 1/4 tank of gas, and after being physically abused, checked into a secret women’s crisis center to hide out.
A little while later he’d come back, and I’d let him, because I wanted our marriage to work. I wanted him to give his life to God. I thought, if ONLY he’d become saved, we would live happily ever after. But he didn’t. A few years later, he asked me to give up God, and when I said “No!” he left. After 6 known affairs and 2 other babies with different women, our divorce was final.
But, even as bad as my life was and even as bad as he was, I still didn’t have it as bad!
Some of the women in the secret crisis center had been abused far worse than I could ever imagine. And every couple days, a new girl would walk through those doors completely black and blue and break your heart.
Marriage may be tough, but it’s par for the course. Love – God’s love – is about choosing to love your spouse. Love isn’t about those mushy moments. It’s about the life that you create together.
No, you should not participate in sin. If your husband hurts you physically, get yourself and your children out of the situation. I’m not saying that you should stay in that situation (and I didn’t), but I am saying that most women are far luckier than they think. You are blessed, and even if you don’t see it right now, remember that it’s all about perspective.
You don’t really have it as bad as you think. Your husband comes home to you and only you, not a mistress or two or 6. He’s with you. And he would break through walls to save you or your family from danger.
Yes, he’s disgusting. Yes, he gets on your last nerve. But if you didn’t have him in your life, you would realize that every single thing I’m telling you is absolutely true. It’s not so bad being married. It’s a WHOLE LOT HARDER trying to raise 2 kids on your own without help. Believe me! And there are a lot of other women out there who are hurting and struggling far worse than either one of us.
The next time you are tempted to call it quits or give up on your marriage, the next time you find yourself thinking about divorce, remember this article and how the other side is just the other side. It’s not better at all.
Remember that love is a choice. A choice to love an imperfect person, a choice to obey the Bible and God. It’s a choice we make every day. Will you make the right choice today?
Sarah is a stay-at-home mom of two wonderful children. From homeless to well-off, this single debt-free mom is most known for her ability to live well on $18k/year. Sarah loves encouraging other women to be godly wives through her biggest lessons in being married to an unsaved man. Follow her blog: Saving Money Never Goes Out of Style.