My husband and I had only been married a few months when our first child was born. It was a stressful time, and it was made even more stressful by the fact that he was working out of town for the majority of the week. We rarely saw each other, except in passing.
Every week was pretty much the same. My son and I would hang out together all week long until the weekend rolled around. Then my husband would watch our son while I went to work for a few hours on the weekend. Working opposite shifts allowed us to avoid paying for childcare, but it meant we never really parented together.
While I definitely missed seeing my husband during this time, being the “only parent” during the week didn’t really bother me that much. Our son was a very happy baby, and we quickly fell into routines and systems that kept everything running smoothly and easily. Until my husband would come home.
As a type-A perfectionist, I tend to have a certain way I like things done. And the nerve of my husband–he didn’t do everything exactly the way I would have! I mean, I’m the one who was with my son all week long; obviously I should know what’s best for him! And here my husband was doing things his own way!
One time, my husband put the baby to sleep in a onesie and cozy pants instead of changing him into real pajamas. He probably fed him his food out of order, too. The nerve!
Things continued this way for a couple of years. Each of us were doing our own thing.
Now, six years later, life in our household looks quite a bit different than it did when we were first starting out. While I’m still our children’s primary caregiver, my husband is fortunate enough to work a fairly predictable schedule right here in town. He’s super involved with our children, and we make the majority of our parenting decisions together. It’s different, but it’s nice. He’s a fantastic dad, and he takes great care of us all.
Honestly, letting go and relinquishing control has not been easy for me. I still have my ideas about which ways are best. But the more we parent together, instead of me trying to lead a crazy dictatorship, the more I realize just how beneficial it is for both of us to work together as a team.
Four Ways Teamwork Can Improve Your Marriage
1. It Brings You Closer Together
After years of doing things myself, I’m used to it and it really doesn’t bother me. I don’t have a problem with taking the kids to the store or putting them to bed myself.
The main problem with this, however, is that when I try to do everything too independently, I end up leaving my husband out of the loop. Not only does he miss out on all the cute things our kids are doing and learning, but it’s difficult for us to stay in touch with how the other is doing as well. Even if we have regular date nights, it just isn’t the same as connecting throughout the day.
By regularly communicating and doing our lives together, we stay much better connected to each other and more involved in the ins and outs of each other’s lives. Whether one of us is having a great day or is stressed to the max, the other one knows right away and is there to help.
2. It Lightens Your Load
How often do you feel stressed out, overwhelmed, or just plain exhausted at the end of the day? What would you give to have help? The fact is, many husbands are more than willing to help and would love to take care of their families in this way, but they’ve all but given up because their wives criticize their efforts or insist on having things done their own way.
Does it really matter if the dishwasher is loaded the “correct” way or if your husband buys the “right” brand of toothpaste? Sure, you may be out 20 cents, but that’s quite a bargain for some great help! Worst case scenario: You run the dishwasher again tomorrow, which you would have had to do anyway.
3. It Increases Your Love
Have you ever heard of the Benjamin Franklin effect? Apparently, we don’t just do nice things for people we like; we are also more inclined to like the people we do nice things for. While this is especially true for people who have the “acts of service” love language, it’s true for anyone. Let your husband do something nice for you, and not only will you appreciate him more for it, but he’ll love YOU more as well!
4. You Benefit from Twice as Many Good Ideas
One of the biggest realizations I had when I started taking my husband’s opinion into consideration was, “Wow. He has a lot of really good ideas!” I mean, I have good ideas, too, but it’s like he has this knack for always coming up with the fantastic ideas I always seem to overlook.
When you work together as a team, not only are you more likely to come up with a solution you can both agree to, but you’re more likely to come up with a great solution, period. And as a perfectionist who always wants to do things the best way possible, that’s one big benefit I can definitely stand behind!
Do you and your husband work well as a team or do you tend to do your own thing independently? How has this affected your marriage?
Read More Here…
A devoted Christian, wife and mother, Brittany loves helping other women grow in these roles as well. When she isn’t busy taking care of her growing family, you can find her at Equipping Godly Women, where she regularly shares tips, tricks and encouragement to help you be the amazing woman God created you to be. Brittany also has a thriving online community on Facebook as well.