Dating a Narcissist…
It is important to understand the personality type of a person to truly understand if you are dating a narcissist. This type of person is one who has an excessive interest in or admiration of themselves. It goes far beyond what is considered normal simply because they are unwilling to change.
There are many ways to identify if you are dating a narcissist; and if so, there are biblical grounds to get out of the relationship. Keep reading for six tips and scriptures to help you navigate dating a narcissist and preparing your way of escape.
6 Signs You’re Dating a Narcissist (and to do about it)
They get defensive when you express your needs.
A narcissist may hear you, but in the midst of hearing your needs, they will still put their needs first. Even more so, you may find that they get defensive when you try to genuinely communicate with them.
Philippians 2:3 says, “Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.”
When a person is not able to see your needs, let alone embrace them, it is a good sign that they will not count others more significant than themselves. This is also a red flag as to how they view God as well. Most likely they are not putting Him first either.
They do not take responsibility for their actions.
Instead of taking responsibility for their actions, a narcissist will turn to anger or rage. Being able to confess when one has been wrong and accepting the confession and forgiveness of another will play a big role in a relationship (and marriage) being successful.
When it comes to taking responsibility for one’s actions, Scripture reminds us in Proverbs 28:13 that “Whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy.” This can also be tied to Ephesians 4:31-32, “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”
If you find yourself in a relationship with someone who cannot take responsibility for their actions, and acts out in anger… remember Proverbs and Ephesians and leave the relationship as soon as possible.
You Might be Dating a Narcissist If…
They are unstable in their ways, especially emotionally.
Another indicator that you are dating a narcissist is their inability to be stable in both their ways and emotions. This person will express their undying love to you one moment and then be completely turned off. This can be damaging to any relationship and certainly not a way to continue.
While Scripture has plenty to say about being unstable, James 1:8 makes it most clear that the root of instability is doubt; therefore, “Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do.”
A person showing this kind of characteristic is also showing that they cannot and will not fully be there to support you emotionally – a good sign that you should leave the relationship before any emotional damage seeps in.
They hesitate (and possibly get angry) when asked to commit.
Dating has long been seen as a form of preparation for marriage, especially for the Christian couple.
However, when you find yourself in a relationship with someone who is unwilling to commit, and they make a raging big deal about it every time it’s brought up, you could be dealing with a narcissist. To solidify their actions, they may do things like leave for an extended period of time or use dismissive words to dodge the subject at hand.
The biggest commitment a person can make is first and foremost to God. Second, would be commitment to another person, as mentioned in Genesis 2:24, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”
If a person finds it hard to commit in a relationship with you, chances are they will find it difficult to commit themselves and their ways to God – both being sure reasons that it is okay to gracefully leave the relationship.
More Signs You’re Dating a Narcissist
They seek instant gratification.
In most cases, you can identify that you are dating a narcissist if they are only about what satisfies them – and at any cost. Some partners may feel like they need to do things in order to satisfy the other, whether socially, interpersonally, or sexually. A quick way to test for narcissistic behavior in this area is to gently say “no” and see how they respond. Take note if they respond with pressure-like answers or actions.
1 Corinthians 10:13 says, “No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.”
They show signs of entitlement.
In their mindset, everything is about them and revolves around them. If your partner treats you and/or others like they are lesser than and somehow owes them something, this can be a sign that you are dating a narcissist. They may also focus on flaws and use them as a way to put you (and others) down.
The root of entitlement is a pride issue, in which Scripture gives many warnings about. Proverbs 16:18 says, “Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.” Think of the destruction and fall of a relationship when trying to continue dating a narcissist. It is truly not worth it.
How to Leave a Narcissist
Sometimes, even with your mind and heart filled with Scriptures, physically leaving the relationship can be somewhat difficult. If you find yourself in this situation, consider the following:
- Do not try to change the person.
- Try not to find reasons to stay in hopes things will get better or be different.
- Speak to them with firm conviction and reason.
- Get support if/when needed.
In the end, God has established principles for relationships and marriages. He truly wants what is in our best interest both for our good and His glory. Seek what His Word says and never be afraid to leave a relationship that does not stand the test of what He requires. You’re worth it!