Have you ever thought about what questions to ask before you get married?
One of the most exciting parts of marriage is getting to spend your life with the one you love. But the truth is, there are also some very important discussions we believe you need to have with your future spouse before the wedding vows are exchanged. While we believe some of the questions will vary from couple to couple, we also believe there are some very important decisions that should be sorted out well before you walk down the aisle.
Before our engagement we had some long hard discussions about topics that many couples divorce over. While we may not have agreed entirely on the answer to the questions, we began to talk them out and come to realize that we could reasonably work through each of them and this was a clear indication that we knew we were both in this for the long-haul. We strongly believe that if you and your spouse-to-be work through these questions to ask before you get married, it will help you set a strong foundation.
Although it’s likely you will each have strong opinions about the questions below, even if you disagree, that’s okay. More than anything it’s learning how to communicate well with one another that will be key when talking through them. It’s important to learn how to resolve conflict in any relationship, but even more so in marriage. Marriage is the single most important relationship you will have in this life, only second to your relationship with God. And working through these questions will help you leave and cleave in your marriage.
Questions to Ask Before You Get Married
Do you want children?
We believe this is one of the most important questions you can ask before you get married. Why? Because having children is not something to take lightly. Once a couple has children, everything changes (for the good) but it isn’t something to put off discussing.
What belief system will you teach your children?
This question will give you both a solid idea of how to approach parenting together. We both happen to be non-denominational Christians so our beliefs were similar. Even so, if we are being honest, every person on the face of the earth has a different perspective on their faith. No two people will ever see eye-to-eye 100% of the time because we all have a unique viewpoint of the world.
We strongly believe that the fundamental beliefs of your faith should be discussed prior to marriage. This affects everything that you do in your day-to-day life from whether you attend church to how you will raise your children. This is not one to take lightly and it will save you much conflict and heartache down the road.
Where do you want to live?
Believe it or not, a lot of couples we have counseled did not have this discussion prior to marriage and became a major issue down the line. This simple conversation can be a great way to start your marriage off on the right foot.
Who will oversee the finances?
Finances are a big hot spot when it comes to issues in marriage. That’s why it is important to have discussions and make some decisions about your money prior to marriage. For us, Carlie is a natural when it comes to managing money. So in the beginning of her marriage Carlie was the one who managed our money by creating and sticking to a budget and sharing everything with me during our weekly budget meetings. This worked very well with us in the beginning.
After retirement from the Army, we have been working from home together and are now both committed to working through our finances together. We use the Family Budget Binder to keep everything organized. This system helps us to prayerfully set the budget and make biblical confessions over our finances as we work through the worksheets. Very powerful stuff!
Will you have joint or separate banking accounts?
This was a discussion we started the summer before our engagement. We agreed that we always wanted our finances to be joint and that this was the only way (in our opinion) that we felt that we fully trusted one another in this area of our marriage. So that summer we opened a joint bank account in both of our names and here we are 21+ years later with a joint bank account. While this may not be the conclusion you come to, it’s important that you are both in total agreement with this subject.
More Questions to Ask Before You Get Married
Are you willing to set and stick to a budget?
This may seem like a silly question, but trust us when we tell you this is something that cannot be ignored. A lot of couples never think that a budget can make or break their marriage; but think again! Where your money comes from and where it goes is one of the most important things you two can nail down prior to marriage. We think this is one of the most important questions to ask before you get married.
Where will you spend the holidays?
This was easy for us when we were newlyweds as our families lived in the same state. But over the years as we moved around the world as a military family it became a bit more difficult. This is a conversation we have had to have again several times over the years and are glad we had discussed it in the beginning, too.
How will you divide up the chores around the house?
This is a huge cause for couples to fight and even divorce. It’s mind-boggling to us how something so trivial can break up a marriage. But it’s true.
Who will do the cooking? Grocery shopping? Who will take out the garbage? Who will clean the bathrooms? Who’s in charge of the lawn care? Car maintenance? There are many other responsibilities that need to be take care of so discussing this prior to marriage is a good idea. Regardless if you both do the chores or you divide them up, all of these things need tending to and the sooner you figure it out, the better.
While this is a great list of foundational questions to ask, you can come up with your own list based on what’s important to you. No matter what, just make sure you are having discussions about your core values and non-negotiables well before you tie the knot. We wish more couples would take the time to do this as it is an important part of the process.
More to Consider