Episode 003: How to Create Your Marriage Mission Statement

Episode 003: How to Create Your Marriage Mission Statement

Carlie K.: 00:00 Welcome to episode three of The Marriage Legacy Builders Podcast with your hosts, Mike and Carlie Kercheval.

Carlie K.: 00:13 Well, hello. Hello. How's everybody doing? We are so thankful that you guys are here with us today. So excited. Truly an honor to hang out with you and to hang out with my best friend, my, well you guys still know this about us, but we have nicknames. At least I have nickname for him. I call him Mook or Mookie, so it's out.

Mike K.: 00:30 Well I actually, I do have a nickname and it's on my phone. It's "my beautiful wife".

Carlie K.: 00:36 That's true. That's true. I'm grateful for that. And, and so it's funny, every time I'll be like, Hey, Mook what are you doin'?So every now and then it'll probably slip out. So now if you hear this episode, you will know why. Today we are going to be talking about something that Mike and I are actually very passionate about. Big surprise. We're passionate about a lot of things, especially when it comes to marriage. But something that we have founded our marriage upon; not because of our wisdom, not because we had the example, but because of our teacher, the Holy Spirit. He showed us the importance of this. So today we are going to talk about why you need a marriage mission statement and how to create one.

Mike K.: 01:17 Yeah, so I remember it was, it seemed like it was yesterday. You know, Carlie and I, here we are, we're finding scriptures for our family. For example, we would say, "The Kercheval family declares..." And there'll be a whole bunch of things that were like, this is what we stand for and these are the scriptures. To echo that. And at first like Carlie said, we never shown to do this or told why to do this. You know what I mean? But we're putting this all over our house. We're constantly confessing it. And believe me when I tell you this, our faith increased so much. We were so focused and we knew what we stood for.

Carlie K.: 02:06 And this was at the very, very beginning of our marriage. It actually started before we got married. God had us putting together scripture lists, scriptures for prayer, for confession, for whatever we believe God for. The Lord always taught us that we have to have the faith to receive whatever it is that we're asking. And granted, you know, there's time to cultivate that faith. So maybe when you ask God for something and you're praying and believing God for something, you know you have a certain measure of faith, but then you exercise that faith and you exercise that faith and you keep stepping out in faith and your faith grows. So by the time God releases that blessing, you're ready to receive it. You're ready to hold space for that thing. You're ready to actually be a phenomenal steward and keeper of that blessing.

Carlie K.: 02:54 Your character is right to sustain it. So it's really exciting because a lot of what we talk about God revealed to us in the nineties, the late nineties and we weren't married yet. We didn't get married until 2000. But a lot of this work, this hard work that He's had us do, we've seen how it's carried us through so many seasons; good seasons, bad seasons, difficult seasons, seasons of trauma, seasons of distance and, and just great loss. Seasons of amazing blessing. Just seasons in general. You guys understand there's not a couple out there, there's not a person out there that's listening to this that hasn't gone through different seasons of life. So what's beautiful about creating our marriage mission statement is that it gives us that common common ground because of the Bible tells us that the "two became one flesh." So this mission that we have came straight from the Holy Spirit and it's two imperfect humans trying to carry it out now. But let me tell you, when you have something to aim for, you are more likely to succeed and get to where it is that you're trying to go.

Mike K.: 04:11 Yeah. Well, and along with that is you have something common that you agree upon, that you stand for. You're not saying, "Hey, I want to just be like so and so". God has a specific marriage, mission statement for you and your spouse.

Carlie K.: 04:27 That's right. So now we're going to get right into it. So one of the main reasons that you need a marriage mission statement is because human hearts, are deceptive. We know this all too well. Every day, all day we are constantly being reminded how deceptive our human heart is. In Jeremiah 17:9 in the Amplified version, it reads, "the heart is deceitful above all things and it is extremely sick. Who can understand it fully and know it's secret motives?" You guys like, wow, okay, talk about keeping it real. So here's the thing though. The Hebrew word used for "extremely" in this verse when it talks about, and "it is extremely sick" (our human heart). That means incurable in Hebrew. It's incurable. You guys, we don't have the ability as individuals nor as a couple apart from Christ to do anything that is good.

Carlie K.: 05:29 Anything that would actually, I mean, maybe we could make one decision and it's like, oh, that's a good decision. But five seconds later we're about to go do something really stupid because our hearts will deceive us. It will make us think. It will shift motives. It will manipulate people. It will manipulate ourselves. We'll manipulate. It's crazy. So one of the main things that God taught us was that in order to stay on mission and that mission is for Jesus Christ, you have to submit your incurably sick human heart to me. Yeah, because he like it says who can understand it fully and know it. Secret motives only Christ alone.

Mike K.: 06:08 Yes, that does. That's it right there. And this you guys, this is not performance-based. I know, for me, and I even struggle with this at times, that I want to try to do things and try to make things happen to see results. But with this, you cannot outperform God's word.

Carlie K.: 06:28 Amen.

Mike K.: 06:29 You know, so your marriage mission statement, it is vital. It is needed because when you put God's word in there, God's word is a filter that will help you not follow that path of the sinful nature.

Carlie K.: 06:43 That was good. A filter. That's really, really good because I mean, you know me and I'm a water snob. I'm just going to keep it real. Okay. Like I don't care if you have a filter, a Brita filter, a filter in your house. Like I just, I can't. So however I think of the filters that, you know, we have to change in our house. Yeah. Michael just pulled out the filter because we just relocated to the South. So we live at the beach now in South Carolina and Michael just changed the filter the other day and I mean I don't think you were that far off, right? I mean cause it's supposed to be every 30 days. Was it over 30? Well it was about 40. Haha. Okay, well there's the truth. However, even still 10 days overdue, he pulls it out. The filter is completely black, you guys. And I was just like, Ugh.

Carlie K.: 07:35 That is so gross. Right outside our bedroom. Yes, there's that too. But it just reminded me when he said that, cause that's the visual that I had because that's the last filter that I saw was it was black. And you think about what Jeremiah 17:9 just told us, our heart is essentially black. It is dead. There's nothing living about it when it comes to the will of God and the momentum that God has for his people on this planet. So I just love that you said it's a filter and I love that because I need a filter all day, every day. I need that filter. Lord, put it upon us, Lord. As a matter of fact, let me pray before we go any further. Yeah. Father God, we just praise you for who you are. We thank you God that despite our incurably sick sin-filled hearts that you love us, that you decided and saw fit to give us salvation through Jesus Christ, the death, burial, and resurrection.

Carlie K.: 08:31 My goodness, Lord, your faithfulness to us never ceases to amaze us. God. I pray that everybody who is listening today that you will bless their marriage and you will give them a clear and concise mission statement that only you can speak to them. Holy spirit. I pray that you will turn up your conviction power in our hearts and our minds and our motives will become in stride with yours because we submitting our incurable hearts to the filter of the Holy spirit through the word of God, through prayer, praise and worship. God, we love you and we adore you and we thank you that you are doing mighty things today and in the future and what you did for us in the past. In Jesus' name. Amen. Amen. All right you guys. So I think that's enough said; human hearts are deceptive. So we need a mission statement to keep us accountable and to keep it clear.

Mike K.: 09:28 That's, right. We definitely do. So number two, your marriage mission statement is to help keep you grounded in your mission. Proverbs 16:9 says, "A man's mind plans his way as he journeys through life, but the Lord directs his steps and establishes them." Wow. I mean, look at it like this. I don't know about you, but I've been down a lot of rabbit holes where I'm like, Hey, this seems good. This seems good. I can do, we can do this, but we got wore out because we're going to all these different things. We're trying to cover all this ground per se. Like if we're in a target, we're trying to get in all these little target ranges, but what that does, it wears you out. You don't have the peace of mind. You don't have that time you need for yourself to focus, to communicate with your spouse and to figure out what are we, what are we aiming at?

Carlie K.: 10:30 Yeah. That's really good because man, my mind sure can plan you guys. Like I am building a company with our daughter, our oldest child. She's an adult now. She's in college and it's called Planner Obsessed®. Yes, I am a planner by nature, but it's something that God has taught me that yes, you plan, but I'm going to be the one that needs to direct those steps. So we let the Holy spirit into these plans. You know, we love planning, but I love how it says, but the Lord directs his steps and establishes them, establishes them. So without your marriage mission statement to keep you grounded, God can't establish your steps because you're going all over the place, right? We bounce around. What does that in Ephesians where it talks about, you know, being tossed back and forth by every wind and wave of teaching. It's like we need to be established.

Carlie K.: 11:24 We need to be rooted in firm ground. The foundation has to be the word of God, the Holy spirit, the wisdom of God in order to not get blown over by the storms of life. You know, and I know we hear that a lot in the body of Christ, whether it's through you know, books or sermons that illustration, but you guys, it never gets old. When I imagine how the sea can batter and beat anything. Water will win every time. I don't care what it is, it's going to beat it down. It's going to deteriorate and it's going to make it go away. Except when you are rooted in Christ.

Mike K.: 12:00 Yes. In your marriage mission statement. Look at it as as stakes. You're claiming, you're saying, this is what we stand for in our marriage. We're going to put this stake in the ground and the whatever God has established cause with God, things grow. All right? When we try to do things, yes, our emotions can get behind it. Other people's opinion can get behind it, but with God it grows. He gives you peace and most of the time we can't even think about how God is gonna have that to come about. It's beyond our thought, but when He establishes it, our marriage mission statement is the stake to say, this is our boundary. This is what we believe in. This is what keeps our marriage mission statement alive in our thinking,

Carlie K.: 12:53 And it's what keeps our marriages strong. You guys, I know many of you out there listening today, maybe right now you're having trouble in your marriage. Maybe you're standing in the gap for your spouse because you haven't set these boundaries together and that's what staying grounded in the mission does for you. No matter what, it's not contingent upon how your spouse behaves. It's not contingent upon how you know you feel right now. It's not contingent upon how much money you have in the bank or how your children are behaving or how your in-laws are interacting with you. It's literally and completely established through Jesus Christ and His Word. So we want to encourage you today that no matter what you're doing, you stay grounded in your mission. God is giving you a mission. It's something we teach on and talk about all the time. You guys have a purpose for your marriage, and we can't play this tit for tat game where, Oh, well you did this and so I'm going to do this, or you treated me this way, so I'm going to embarrass you this way.

Carlie K.: 13:55 We can't do that. There's no time for that. We can't because the truth is you guys, if our sins were exposed, if you walked outside your door right now and you were clothed in your sin so everybody could see the things that you've done wrong, me included, Mike included, if we walked outside our door, wow, how much shame would we feel? Yeah. But his love has covered a multitude of sin. He doesn't ask you to go out and do that. He just asks you to obey him, yes. To, to say, Hey Lord, I'm going to take you at your word and I'm going to let you establish and direct the steps of this marriage for this purpose that you created us to go forth in this world and convey. So another great thing guys, that we love to talk about when you stay grounded in your mission is rooted in Habakkuk 2:2-3.

Carlie K.: 14:44 This is the King James version. "And the Lord answered me and said, write down the vision and make plain upon tables that he may run that readeth it." And that's it. Writing it down as you know, I know that this is not something you haven't heard of. This is not something that you haven't, you know, heard taught before. When it comes to writing down the vision, you have to make it plain because you know you can have a vision in your head and you can have a vision to brewing around and stirring in your heart and your spirit. But until you write it out, there's something to that. When you see it written out, it's out of your head. It's out of your heart. It's plain on paper, you can see it or on your computer, however you do it. Yes. But what's beautiful then is you can take that and then and other people can hold, take that and run with it.

Carlie K.: 15:37 And that's the thing. The books that we've written, you know that Michael and I have written, the articles that we've published, the courses that we've created, we knew that this revelation, the things that God has given us to establish our marriage, yeah, it's for us. But it's not just for us. It's for you, too. It is for every person that says "I do" under the eyes of God. He desires for you to have a phenomenal fulfilling marriage. Yes. So when you do this you guys, it's not only to bless your marriage, it will bless your covenant and your union. It is to bless his people. That's right.

Mike K.: 16:15 That is so true. And along with this, I like it what you were saying Carlie, about writing down the vision. When you write down the vision, you give it legs, you give it arms, you give it, it takes, there's something that goes on in your thinking when you see something on paper versus just banking about something. And then there's like you said, you know, I know for us we have our kids to be like, Hey this is it. You know what I mean? And you guys, you guys wrote this down, there was a scripture and you guys are walking this out. I know they, my, our children are able to see everything the good, the bad and the ugly.

Carlie K.: 16:53 Cause I imagine you guys, if the people who wrote the Bible that God used to write the Bible, imagine if they just kept it in their head. We would not be doing too good right now. It's like seriously like writing it out. And you think about like when you go to a job and you get hired and they have their manuals, you read the manuals or systems and ways of doing things. Somebody wrote it down so that it could continue to be carried on and to be carried out. That is the same thing with the marriage mission statement. So our marriage mission statement, it's changed over time. There's been a lot of different changes in our marriage and in the seasons of life and the things that God has us doing and different times and whatnot. But the one thing remains true that Christ is at the center of it. And anybody that we've ever counseled or sat down with and shared parts of our vision on a personal level, it's ministered to them because God is not a respecter of persons. He doesn't like Mike and I better than He likes you just because we've been doing this the whole time we've been married. God couldn't care less. He loves you regardless. He loves your spouse, He loves marriage, He wants you guys to flourish together. So I think that's a really, really important thing to remember. Okay guys, so funny thing, I only read verse two, but here's verse three for Habakkuk.

Carlie K.: 18:14 I'm going to read it all together. I love this because I'm a human. These things happen and I don't prefer to edit it out because it is what it is. So, "and the Lord answered me and said, write the vision and make it plain upon tables that he may run that readeth it for the vision is yet for an appointed time. But at the end it shall speak and not lie though it tarry. Wait for it because it will surely come, it will not tarry." And it goes completely with what we were talking about. When you write it down, it's going to speak and it's not going to lie you guys cause it's directly from the Spirit of God. You write that thing down and if it's the Lord, cause you know we can write some things down there aren't the Lord, but you know when it's God and when it's you.

Carlie K.: 19:00 And if you don't, you can develop that discernment over time. It takes practice. Sometimes you just got to step out in faith and say, you know, I believe this is the Lord. And there's times where it's you're going to miss the mark and that's okay. That's okay. But what's so beautiful about it is that His word does not lie. And sometimes it may take a while. It can take decades. Ask us how we know, okay, we're waiting for a lot of things that we started praying for in the 90s. Yeah. But we know that God's word is true. He will never, ever, ever, His word will never return to Him void. He will never lie. Yeah. And it will happen. It will come to pass.

Mike K.: 19:38 And again, that's why it's so crucial that you write it down. So as you go through these different seasons of life, as you go through, there's going to be people that throw out their opinions no matter what. But you're going to go back and you're going to be like, this is what we stand for. This is what God said. This is God's peace and God we're going to take you at your word as we go through different seasons in life. So let's go to number three, your marriage mission statement. It establishes confidence in God and your family's mission.

Carlie K.: 20:14 Hmm, that's really good because you know what I love about our marriage is that this covenant is so powerful, you guys, I mean, I think we all understand that and when we enter into it, we have an idea. But it isn't until we start walking through it together and start overcoming things together and living through things together and choosing to forgive and choosing to, you know, choosing each other. It's like, until we really do that, we don't always understand how powerful this covenant is. So to give you guys an example, Michael and I, when we got married, neither side, neither one of our families, were serving God. I believe there was maybe one person in your family that professed to be serving God, but they were not serving God. Right? Um, and are they professed to be a Christian, I should say, but they were not walking with Jesus and all that to say, you know, we ended up getting, I got saved later in life.

Carlie K.: 21:09 I was 22 so it's, I'm going to be 44 this year, 2019 and so this December I'm going to be, you know, it'll be half of my life. I will have served Jesus finally because right now I'm at the other half. But anyway, all that to say when we got married, we didn't realize the effect that our marriage covenant was going to have on other people because as you know, people are closely watching you. So this should be encouragement for those of you out there who are believing God for the salvation of your loved ones. Long story short, both sides of our immediate family are now saved. Um, it was very powerful the way it happened. I won't go into it for today, but I will tell you this, that my mom, dad, and brother all got saved as a result of this marriage covenant.

Carlie K.: 21:55 And we know that we can claim that we're not claiming it as Carlie and Mike. We are we, but we know God has shown us the power of this covenant and his sisters and his, his mom and dad same thing. So it's, it's such a blessing you guys. So let's look at Jeremiah 29:11 in the NIV and how this helps establish confidence in God and our family mission. "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future." So what do you think about that? How does that make you, how does that establish confidence in God and your family?

Mike K.: 22:31 Well, number one, it tells me notice that God is saying this. It's not what we're feeling today or what we felt last week. God's saying, no matter what my plans are to prosper you, my plans are to bless your marriage. My plans are to say, you know what? You know how Carlie talked about people are watching you, whether it's family, friends, neighbors, coworkers? You know, they need to see you work through things and need to know that you're not perfect, but they need to know where you stand. Your marriage mission statement will create opportunities for you to be able to share your faith about Him and what He has brought you and your spouse through. God saying no harm. Okay? So even though circumstances can say, Hey, all these things are gonna happen to your marriage, things aren't going to work out.

Mike K.: 23:27 God says no harm. He says He will give us hope and He'll give us a future. In other words, he'll give us something to shoot for, even though we might not see it or it might not be happening the way that we want it to right now, because there's this thing called a process or seasons of life. Your marriage is specifically designed for God to go through whatever, how many seasons He says, but as for a specific purpose. And that's the thing. I know a lot of people might say, man, I don't know my purpose. I don't know this and that. But this marriage mission statement helps you stay on track and then with God, is the one that keeps us in the race. We're, we're running a race every day or we're fighting a battle as husband and wife. Don't forget that you can't take a vacation, all right? You gotta put your best effort forward and walk in that grace that God provides each day.

Carlie K.: 24:27 And it's hard work. You guys, we're not going to sit here and act like it's easy because it's not. But truly, and I know that you guys have lived long enough to understand this, anything that is worth keeping or worth having is worth fighting for. And you can't just have a beautiful marriage without putting forth a lot of effort. And I like when you were just talking about, no matter what they're going through, that he has plans that aren't, there's no harm. He doesn't have plans to harm you. He has plans to prosper you. He has plans to give you a hope and a future. And what's so beautiful about the marriage mission statement fitting into that is that the Lord will say, okay, I'm just going to kind of give a sample here. Hey, the mission statement that I have for you right now is that I want you and your spouse to, you know, feed the homeless.

Carlie K.: 25:17 Let's just say that I'm just giving a real simple example. So of course, when the enemy takes hold of the fact that your family's starting to stand up to say, you know what? We're going to feed the homeless. Well, what's gonna start happening? A lot of stuff. The enemy is going to attack your finances. He's going to come and try to divide you and your spouse. He's going to come and he's going to try to distract you with anything. It can be a lot of other things. Okay? That's just an example. But that is not the Lord. And because you'll have your marriage mission statement and you'll have scriptures that are going to back this thing up. You're going to read it and be like, you know what? No, this does not line up with the word of God. I'm not even going to give thought to this petty thing that's trying to come into my heart or my mind because it's not from you.

Carlie K.: 26:00 Lord, I thank you Lord that you have established confidence in, in this, you know, covenant relationship between my husband and I and you and me, God because of your word. And so these are the things that really serve you well as you start to go out and serve your people, the people that God's called you to serve. You have this mission statement to keep you rounded, grounded and rooted and keep you established in confidence. So these are the kind of things you guys that come as a result and it's not something that you can take for granted. Trust us when we lost. So we moved, early in our marriage I had these things framed, like literally said the family declares like I wrote in this fancy font back then, cause this was in 2000 so it was pretty fancy for us back then and had a frame.

Carlie K.: 26:50 It was all we could afford. It was like a $5 frame at Walmart, but it was fancy. Right? At least to us. We had that thing framed and then it got lost in the move. When we moved from Washington state to New York state or New York? It didn't. It was lost and I was devastated. I remember thinking we have to have this because it's just like a compass for us. His word is a compass and without it I do feel lost. I feel like I'm flailing because I have to know the promises that he's given to us and I need to see our mission. And Mike as a soldier, I mean you had several missions that you had to walk out, so I know you really understand the whole mission oriented thing.

Mike K.: 27:25 And you know and and look at it like this. You guys, your marriage mission statement is your either your battle plan or your playbook. All right. This is something that, Hey, I, need to have quick access to it. Me being in a soldier, there are things based upon our training, the environment that we're in. We have things, whether it's regulations or standard procedures, we have a playbook to grab so we can be like, okay, yeah. You know what I mean? And that's what your marriage mission statement is. This is your playbook or this is your battle ground right here.

Carlie K.: 28:01 Yeah. It serves as your guide. That's right. Well, the fourth point that we want to make today about why you need a marriage mission statement is because you need it because it will propel you guys into that legacy. The legacy God predestined you to leave behind. Not how your neighbors gonna leave it behind, not how your mom and them are going to leave it behind. But God did, you know, he has predestined you to leave a legacy behind that only you and your spouse can leave to your children and your children's children. And if you don't have children, to the people around you, because you know, at the end of the day, just like God, God sees everybody as his child, whether or not you received the gift of salvation that's on you, right? We have a choice. He still sees people as children.

Carlie K.: 28:50 Yes, and I believe that although we have three physical children on this earth, we have two in heaven. But we have more than that. God has blessed us to affect the hearts of many children influence many children. So when I say children and children's children, it does extend far beyond our biological or adopted children. It is those that He's called us to serve because He sees them as children. Yes. So Romans 8:30 in the NIV says, "and those he predestined, he also called those he called. He also justified those he justified. He also glorified." You guys. He predestined you, He called you. So he has called you and your spouse to serve him. He has called you by name. He has justified you through the blood of Jesus Christ. Your sins are forgiven as long as you accept and receive Jesus Christ as your personal Lord and Savior. He has justified you. So you don't have to walk around feeling condemnation or guilt or shame. You can hold your head high knowing my God called me and He has a purpose that He wrote before the world began predestined me to well before I was a thought on this planet. But he also Has glorified you through that resurrection. He's glorified you. The power, I mean, it is so powerful you guys.

Mike K.: 30:13 It is because your legacy as Carlie, you know, just mentioned your legacy is going to go on even after you leave the earth. All right? The legacy is saying, these are the seeds that I planted while I was here on this earth, but God will make it grow for generations to come. You know what I mean? And I think about how before the Bible was written, a lot of storytelling was done. A lot of stories were done. Well, you have to think to yourself, what kind of story do I want to tell through my actions because of my marriage mission statement, though I want to leave for others to say, Hey, you know what? Like for Carlie and I, we have our children. We have a firm foundation because of our marriage mission statement and the way that we conducted ourselves that our kids can use as a foundation for when they get married. Not to say that we want them to be just like us, but they can have a standard to go up to say, you know what? I remember when mom and dad went through this, this, and this, and notice how we said we went through it. All right, but we're just starting seeds. God sees the whole picture. There's generations to come wouldn't it feel good to know that you, because of your obedience, planted the seeds for other generations to follow

Carlie K.: 31:38 Because like he said, I mean when we write this marriage mission statement out, we're pointing them to Jesus. You guys, we're not pointing them to us because that would be a disaster. I would just recommend just don't even follow anything that we would do in our flesh, ever. But we're pointing them to Jesus, and that's the blueprint and that's the direction that we want to leave when we leave this earth. We want people to know that we love Jesus Christ with our heart, mind, body, and soul, all of us. Yes. So that's good. So yes, we talked about why you need a marriage mission statement. The how to create one is actually going to be something that you can do on your own. So what we've done for you is we have created a free downloadable workbook that you guys can work through to start building your own marriage mission statement.

Carlie K.: 32:26 And perhaps you had one in the past and maybe it's time for you to refresh that. And maybe it's time for you guys to, you know, go ahead and have one for the current season of life that your in. So the way you could do that is you can download your free marriage mission statement workbook by clicking on the link in the show notes or by going to our website directly, https://christianmarriageadventure.com/marriage-mission-statement. So God bless you guys. We're just thankful that you guys are here. We're excited. We look forward to connecting with you. Make sure that you guys can find us on our Facebook page. We go live there from time to time. You can find us on Facebook, under Christian Marriage Adventures, and also you guys can come and you can hang out with us in some of our communities. We do have a monthly mentorship program and you can learn more about that if you go to our website, https://christianmarriageadventure.com and at the top you'll see on the menu monthly marriage mentorship. So we hope to see you in one of those places. Yeah, so again, Hey, we're excited. Go conquer your marriage mission statement. Talk to you soon.