Men: Is Your Ego is Destroying Your Marriage
Does it seem, sometimes, that things just aren’t going right at home? You and your spouse don’t just seem to be on different pages…you’re in totally different books. Not sure why things are feeling so rocky lately? It may be time to take a look in the mirror and evaluate whether your words and actions may be contributing to the discord. Sometimes, unknowingly, if egos are left unchecked, it may lead to destroying your marriage.
It’s All about Give and Take
By now, Carlie and I have learned that we have different interests. She may not really be into some of my favorite movies and may not share my love for sports. That being said, she still joins me on the couch after the kids are asleep to enjoy some of my favorites.
I’ve had to remind myself over the years that it’s important that we do some of her favorite activities too. There’s nothing wrong with turning off the game and turning on her favorite romantic comedy. The priority shouldn’t be what we’re watching; it should be who we’re watching it with.
What’s Your Role at Home?
Once upon a time wives’ jobs were to stay at home, raise the kids and have a clean house and dinner on the table when their husbands returned home from work. Those ideas were considered “women’s work.” As roles have changed, however, so have the responsibilities that men need to take on at home. If you’re like us, your wife may work one (or more) jobs, homeschool the kids and do a myriad of things in the community. Gone are the days that her only thought is the need to take care of the home.
As couples’ roles in supporting their families have changed, so has the need for teamwork in tackling household and parenting responsibilities. Make sure you effectively communicate to one another what your “roles” are. While these roles can change depending on what life throws your way – you still have to be careful that you don’t stuck in a gender role mindset that can cause damage to your marriage.
Misconceptions about Romance
We have to remember that our wives grew up in a fairytale world. They became well-acquainted with the idea of Prince Charming sweeping them off of their feet. Whether your wife admits it or not, she may still be expecting “happily ever after.” This isn’t to say that you have to bring her roses every day…just that there’s nothing wimpy or sappy about showing her how much you love her. It’s not going to hurt your reputation at work or among your friends if you send her notes or plan romantic date nights. Putting romance back into your relationship will help to strengthen the bond that you share…and make it more fun.
Saying “I’m Sorry”
All couples argue. It’s not fun, it’s not easy and it’s definitely not something that either person enjoys. If you’re like Carlie and me, we continue to work on our communication with each other so that we can prevent situations that lead to arguments. It’s inevitable, though, that we will have some disagreements…anytime you’re so close to someone it’s bound to happen. The way that you approach the end of the argument, however, will have a major impact on your relationship.
Once both of you have cooled down, say that you’re sorry. Those words don’t mean that you are the lesser person or the only one that made a mistake. They simply mean that you don’t like arguing with her and will do what you can in the future to prevent the same situation. Saying you’re sorry opens the door for civil conversation. Walking away and not bringing closure to the disagreement only allows hurt feelings to simmer and rekindle later. An apology and a hug remind you both that the most important part of any argument is that you remain mindful of the love that you share.
Consider your Priorities
We’re all guilty of wanting to do guy things: zone out after work, hit the gym on the way home, etc. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t do them…just that finding a good balance will help keep your relationship with your wife at its best. Before saying yes to a night of basketball with the guys, think about what that might mean for your wife. Does it put a lot of extra stress on her? Do you encourage her to go out with friends (leaving you home with the kids)? Setting your ego aside and making sure that you’re balancing guy time with the time you spend with the one you love will help to make for a happier marriage.
Do you know other ways how men’s egos are destroying their marriages? Have tips on how to work past them? Please share your thoughts.