We openly discuss sex with our children for many different reasons. Truth be told, we had wrongly assumed that most Christian parents would. After all – God designed sex with the marriage covenant so certainly all parents must be talking to their kids about it. Boy, we were wrong. We are surprised at the number of parents we know that tell us that they do not openly discuss sex with their children.
Truthfully, it’s quite alarming.
With all the temptation laid out before this generation of young children, we believe all Christian parents should make it a priority to talk to their children about sex. I hardly think that any parent would want their child’s idea of sex to come from their peers, television, inappropriate music lyrics, or a pornographic image or video. And sadly, this is the reality our children face if we don’t teach them about the ONE who created sex and the powerful instrument it is between husband and wife.
Thankfully we both met Jesus well before marriage and He took what the enemy meant for harm in our lives and restored it for His good. But not without consequence or damage to our spirit and soul. When we were engaged to be married we decided we needed to lay out a plan of action to talk to each of our children about sex. And we are so glad we did!
Before we share our reasons for openly discussing sex with our children, we’d like to address something: Just because you teach your child about God’s design for sex doesn’t mean they will choose to walk that road. As much as we believe and pray and encourage our children to “do the right thing” we also know that they have to make their own decisions. We have to put our trust in God, not our children. It is a major temptation to take it personal when our children make mistakes – so we try our best to continually remind ourselves that our children have to live and learn. After all, God redeemed both of us, and we know He has our children’s best interests in mind!
Why We Openly Discuss Sex with Our Children
1. Because if we don’t someone else will.
We know this from experience. Both of us grew up in non-Christian homes where sex was not discussed in a biblical way. We both grew up with unfiltered images and actions on the part of our parents that certainly pointed us toward the road of destruction. And the thing is, even though neither of us were taught biblical values when it came to sex, neither of us felt okay in our sin. Which made it even worse. Feeling guilty when you have no understanding of forgiveness only leads you to dive deeper into sin hoping that somehow it will cover it up. But we all know it won’t.
2. Because sex is a powerful gift that God designed for marriage.
And if not handled carefully with our children, this beautiful gift can become a source of destruction and perversion. This gift of intimacy God gave husband and wife can serve as a powerful bonding agent between husband and wife. If children understand the uniting power of intimacy between spouses – it will help them honor the marriage bed and give them more reason to remain pure until marriage. However, if no communication takes place within your family and household, then your child is more likely to fall victim to peer pressure that can eventually lead to a skewed view of sex.
3. Because if they don’t have a healthy understanding of sex they may put themselves in bad situations.
Ask us how we know…it’s because we’ve been there. There were decisions we made when we were young that could’ve easily led to sexual assault and other horrible consequences – all because we didn’t know any better. By having open and honest discussions about sex with our children from a young age – we are able to teach them how to create healthy boundaries in their lives that can help them become less of a target for predators of all kinds.
4. Because puberty comes fast and waits for no one.
Ah, puberty. You remember the days, don’t you? Emotions run high. You are always in and out of “love” and the desire to be around the opposite sex runs deep. And temporary confusion about life in general seems to set in. At least it does for most people. And it is for this reason that we want our children to have a good hold on the male and female anatomy as well as what the Bible says about sex. It is our hope that this will help them have something to draw from, even if only “muscle memory” when hormones rage and temptations arise.
One important thing to note: It is important to pray and ask God for guidance about when your child is ready to have “the talk”. Truth be told, God told us to introduce our first-born child (daughter) to His design for sex well before we would have ever considered. Our first-born son wasn’t ready until nearly double the age of his older sister. And our youngest son was ready somewhere smack in the middle. Bottom line – seek God for guidance on the perfect time to begin to share about this wonderful gift for marriage with your precious children!
While there are many more reasons we have for discussion sex with our children, these are some of the top contenders. We truly believe that if we hide something from our children that God created we are doing them a major disservice. Sex is not dirty – it was designed by a Holy God for a beautiful agent of intimacy between husband and wife. Let’s not allow the enemy to come in and steal our child’s innocence. Let’s teach our children God’s design for sex so they can enjoy the beautiful benefits found within God’s design for sex!
More to consider…