When I got married I never imagined that I would find myself divorced with two boys to take care of on my own. I don’t like to forgive. I can hold a grudge like my life depends on it. It was probably the hardest thing for me to do when my marriage fell apart and I went through my divorce.
I didn’t want to forgive. I felt like I was justified in my anger and bitterness. He’d hurt me, left our boys without a father, and never apologized! He didn’t deserve my forgiveness. and I wasn’t going to offer it anytime soon.
I don’t know where you are in your marriage. But I do know that forgiveness is something that we all struggle with. We are people that tend to focus on ourselves only, and that often causes us to hurt others. I learned the hard way that we have to forgive people, especially when they don’t deserve it. It’s exactly what God did for us when He sent Jesus to the cross.
There are some really big reasons that forgiveness is important:
- Forgiveness is required for healing: The only way that I was able to fully heal from the pain of my divorce was to forgive my ex for all the hurt he caused me. This is important for any relationship. Anytime there is hurt you must forgive before you can start to heal and move forward.
- Setting a godly example for your children: No matter what happened in my marriage, my ex is the father of my children. There’s nothing I can do to change that. If my children are going to learn to respect and forgive their father for the hurt in their lives, I have to be the one to set the example.
- Future relationships: I hope that one day I am able to marry a man that loves God, my children, and me. I realized that if I am ever going to have a successful marriage in the future, I have to work through forgiving the hurts from my first marriage. You don’t want to bring a ton of baggage from one relationship to the next, and trust me, bitterness is quite heavy!
I know that it can be hard to forgive when someone hurts you, but do it anyway. Even if it’s hard and messy, and you can’t stand the sight of that person. You will be much better off in the end if you choose forgiveness. Every single time you think of something that hurt you, forgive. When you hold your crying child because a promise was broken, forgive.
Forgiveness is a choice. As long as you are focusing on the wrong that someone has done to you, there’s no way to move forward or heal. You must make up your mind to forgive no matter what is going on. If that means that you have to forgive 200 times a day, then commit to that.
Read more from the series here…
LaToya Edwards has a heart for equipping and inspiring women to find their passion and purpose through life coaching. You can find her blogging about finding joy in motherhood and finding joy and God’s purpose in broken circumstances at www.LaToyaEdwards.net.