Communicating Your Needs to Your Husband Well
Our words are a constant part of every day. Without them, it would be very difficult for us to fully express what’s in our hearts and minds. But words can also be very dangerous, and if fueled blindly by out-of-check emotions, a huge conflict can be provoked.
So what happens when a conflict or concern begins to itch and we realize it’s something that should be discussed?
1. Take some times to think and pray, especially if it’s a particularly heavy topic. When we bring up difficult topics we need to go into them with a clear head. When we go into a conversation unprepared, we a prone to speaking out of hand.
“When words are many, transgression is not lacking, but whoever restrains his lips is prudent.” Proverbs 10:19
We can’t do anything about our words once they are said. And often, they take over the conversation, laying the intended topic aside and creating a new problem all together.
In Proverbs 29 we learn that it’s wise to know when to speak out and when not to.
“Do you see a man who is hasty in his words? There is more hope for a fool than for him.” Proverbs 29:20
Also, in Proverbs we learn about the Proverbs 31 woman. In verse 26 we read:
“She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.” Proverbs 31:26
Regardless of the topic, take time to think it over and pray about it. Go over the conversation in your head a few times, and consider the words you’ll choose.
2. Don’t become a continual drip. No one responds well to someone who is always pecking at them with their words. If your spouse becomes victim to your nagging and continual drip, it’s sure to cause major conflicts in your marriage. From the perspective of a wife, I do not want my husband to ever have any justified reason for seeing me as a nag. The typical response to this kind of person is to either push back or pull away.
“A continual dripping on a rainy day and a quarrelsome wife are alike…” Proverbs 27:15
Which brings me to my next point…
3. Don’t bottle it up inside either. Often times we’ll go the opposite extreme of the constant drip and bottle things up inside. It can be for various reasons: Maybe you’ve tried and failed at bringing this up or maybe you just don’t know how to bring it up. Maybe you’re worried that you’ll become the nag or that you’re already there. Whatever the reason is, it’s still not okay to bottle things up. Doing so will only result in a negative outcome. You’ll become argumentative, irritable, and grumpy. Bottling things up inside does no one any good.
“It is better to live in a desert land than with a quarrelsome and fretful woman.” Proverbs 21:19
Find a balance between the continual drip and the bottled-up personality. You don’t want to nag, but you don’t want to bottle it all up, either. Express your heart and thoughts to your husband, but do so respectfully. Talk to him as you would want him to talk to you with any problem he may want to talk about.
If you’re struggling with something so much that you just can’t bring yourself to talk about it, let him know that, too. Let him know you’re praying about it and ask him to pray for you as you work through preparing to talking to him about it. There may be times when you can’t even do that, but be sure that you’re not taking it out on him unfairly in the meantime! Be patient with the Lord’s timing and He’ll provide you with the strength you need.
4. Know when timing is best. The worst thing you can do is bring up a huge issue right in the middle of another one.
If your husband just had a terrible day at work and seems like he just needs to have a quiet night to himself to regroup, don’t lay into him for not picking up his towel from the bathroom floor that morning. Timing can make the difference between having a constructive, positive, and fruitful dialogue or having a full-on blow-out argument.
Our spouse is the person we are going to wake up next to for the rest of our lives. It matters how we communicate with each other, and good communication and understanding breeds stronger connections in your relationship.
Marlene is a wife to an amazing husband and a mom to three kiddos. Her days as spent making her home a haven for her family, and homeschooling their kiddos in-between hugs and snuggles. In her not so spare time she enjoys crafting, painting (canvas not wall), or just relaxing with a cup of coffee and a good book. You can find her blogging at A Diligent Heart. She loves the Lord and is passionate about living life diligently for Him, in everything she does.