Do you play the blame game in marriage?
When nothing seems to be going right, do you find it easier to pass the buck and not take a look in the mirror? If so, you’re like most people, us included! No one likes to discover that they are wrong and most people don’t find it fun when they have to identify areas they need to grow. But either way, it is important that we take responsibility for our own actions and look to resolve our marriage issues as a team.
That being said, we have found that placing blame on your spouse can quickly drain the energy and passion from your marriage. Let’s talk about why we avoid the blame game in marriage and we believe you should, too.
Why We Avoid the Blame Game in Marriage
Each of us experiences stress and anxiety from time to time. When we get frustrated, our brains seem to jump to conclusions about what our spouse could have done to have made the situation better; maybe he/she should have helped more around the house or worked a bit harder.
When things don’t go right at home or work, it can sometimes be hard to admit that you had a role in what happened. Taking a careful look at the cause of the problem may help you to identify that the source is something over which you had control. Once you make this discovery, you are in the driver’s seat for taking responsibility, rather than placing blame.
One step that you can take to avoid blaming your spouse is to make a list of worries as soon as they pop into your head. Include notes on the problem: impact at home, what it means for careers, etc. Then process the source of the issue and make note of it.
Once you have that visual in front of you, you will be reminded that, despite your spouse’s presence in the home during your frustration, he/she is not the source of the problem and is there to support you, not to be your scapegoat.
Because it Drains Passion from Your Marriage
Just as you don’t like to realize that you were wrong, your spouse doesn’t enjoy being told that he/she is the source of all problems that you experience. When we are put in a constant state of defense and feeling as though we are being blamed for things we have not done, it’s difficult to feel romantic and passionate about the person causing those feelings.
Over time, the impact that this has on your marriage can be significant, causing a great deal of harm to the bond that you’ve created. Avoiding the blame game will prevent the drain of romance, making for a more passionate and loving relationship.
It Makes You a Stronger Person
As difficult as it is to admit that you have some room to grow, the act of taking responsibility when things get challenging will make you a stronger person. Taking accountability will help you to identify actions that may not be the best and will help you to make different choices next time.
By taking responsibility for difficulties, apologizing as necessary and asking for support from those you love, you are in position to move forward ready to take on new challenges and come out a stronger person for it.
More Reasons to Avoid the Blame Game in Marriage
Proves Your Love for Your Spouse
Making mistakes and growing from them is a way for you to show your spouse that you love him/her. By continuously working on personal growth and not letting life’s challenges get you down, you’re showing your husband/wife and family how much you value being a strong person for them.
Rather than blaming those you love for being the sources of your difficulties, admitting those areas where you still are growing will show them how much you care.
It Will Strengthen Your Marriage
There are some challenges that are unavoidable…they just happen because it’s life. The hot water heater dies: no one’s fault, a tree hits your house in a storm: it just happens. Though situations like that are not fun to handle, there is no one person who is to blame.
Identifying that fact first will help to take blame out of the situation before you work through finding a solution together. Rather than putting energy into trying to decide what actions you could have taken to prevent the problem, situations like these are perfect opportunities to grow together and strengthen your marriage bond.
You will learn new problem solving strategies together and use new resources to learn skills you’ll use together later in life. Whether problems that arise are avoidable or unavoidable, working through them together, focusing on not blaming one another for the situation will help your marriage to thrive.
Do you have other thoughts on why you should avoid the blame game in marriage? Please share your ideas.