There are important mindset shifts singles need to have in order to walk into marriage as a whole person – body, mind, and spirit. As Christians, we have what God’s word says to help combat common mindsets that the world pushes. It’s often within these common mindsets that singles find themselves bound.
Regardless of why you are single, we’d like to share 7 mindset shifts to work on through your journey of finding godly love.
7 Mindset Shifts for Singles Who Desire to be Married
Your Wholeness is Found in Christ Alone
Oftentimes, singles fall for the myth that by finding a spouse they will somehow be complete. The issue with that train of thinking is your desires become focused on finding a physical person to fill your needs.
Scripture says that when a man comes together with his wife, the two become one; however, this is not in the sense that they fill all the gaps and holes for one another. Instead, it is Christ who completes us.
The kind of wholeness that is needed goes beyond what man can do. A passage in Ephesians 3 paints the perfect picture of how Christ dwelling in your heart will help you to be grounded and rooted in love. While in Christ’s love you will be filled with the fullness of God (Ephesians 3:16-19).
Never Play the Blame Game
Society and culture today silently teach that when something happens to you, most likely it’s another person’s fault. Taking this mindset into marriage will result in a lot of blame games.
While you are single, it is the best time to learn how to take responsibility for what happens in your life. Yes, there are times when things happen beyond your control; however, when you know that something you’re experiencing is a direct consequence, own up to it.
The first half of Galatians 6 deals with taking responsibility while also pointing out the good it does to others by doing so. It is wise to understand before marriage that you will need to carry your load (taking responsibility), while also being prepared to carry the burden of someone else – in marriage’s case, that of your spouse.
Biblical Mindset Shifts for Singles
True Beauty Comes from the Inside Out
Another worldly common misconception is beauty begins on the outside. You may remember hearing as a child growing up that some of the most beautiful and handsome people can possess some of the most wicked hearts. There’s a reason for that.
God has never been more concerned with our outer appearance more than what is really going on on the inside. Proverbs 4:23 is a sober reminder to keep your heart vigilant because from it flow the springs of life.
In other words, what you truly possess in your heart is what will eventually come out. Be in prayer for God to show you ways to work on yourself from the inside out so you can be the wife (or husband) God has called you to be.
Never Live Above Your Means
Ask any married couple and they will agree that finances are one of the hot areas for marriages. While in your singleness, begin to practice a lifestyle of living within your means. Spend and save wisely, while keeping finances in their rightful place.
Scripture doesn’t lack with instruction and tips on how to be a good steward:
- Every man should give as he is able (Deut. 16:17).
- One must decide what to give from his/her heart (2 Cor. 9:7).
- There is blessing in giving (Luke 6:38).
- Tithing is a requirement (Malachi 3:10).
- Saving is important (Prov. 21:20).
While there are many more scriptures that speak of stewardship, begin putting them into practice while you are single. When you begin to date, have financial conversations to figure out how your future spouse sees and practices good stewardship as well.
More Mindset Shifts for Singles
Honesty is the Best Policy
There is nothing worse than telling even the smallest of lies only to have to keep up with it and make sure the truth never comes out. The world’s mindset is to say what you need to say to keep the peace or to keep a certain image.
God says that lying is equivalent to being a fool (Proverbs 19:1) and being bound (John 8:23). If you are single and desire to be married, keep in mind that your spouse is not your enemy. He or she should be a trustworthy individual, and you should be as well. No matter what you’ve done, you need to come clean about it with your spouse.
Always aim to be honorable in the sight of the Lord as well as to man (2 Cor. 8:21), for a marriage built on trust from the beginning is one that will not be easily broken.
It’s Okay to be a Single Parent & Desire to Remarry
Perhaps you are a single parent and desire to remarry. Whatever you do, don’t fall for the lie that you will not find a godly spouse who will accept you and your child/children. The truth of the matter is there are a lot of children (and adults) who have spiritual fathers and mothers.
These are the people God entrusts children to help raise them in the love and ways of Heavenly Father. In your time of single parenthood, be in prayer for your future spouse and prepare yourself to receive who that person will be.
You Can Remarry After a Divorce
If you have been married before and experienced failure in that marriage, it is easy to adopt a level of guilt and shame that tells you that you’ll never marry again. Not only is that a lie from the enemy, but it’s also not a healthy mindset.
God, of all ‘people’, understands divorce the best (remember He divorced Israel). He knows there is a level of healing that has to happen. While in your singleness, seek any healing that needs to happen. Make sure your mind is renewed and fixed on the blessings God has for you. If you desire to remarry, God can honor that.
In conclusion, being single is the perfect time to begin working on the person you want to be once married. As with anything in life, there may be some mindset shifts that need to happen, and it is during this time that those changes are best made.
Your desire to be married can be granted, but until that time – pray, seek the Father, and prepare yourself.