Do you struggle finding ways to keep intimacy alive during pregnancy?
You are not alone.
A few months ago, I gave birth to our fifth child. Each pregnancy has had its own set of challenges that have stretched our marriage in one way or another. During a couple of them, I was so tired that I could barely function. Another one found me nearly bedridden for several months with nausea and weight loss. This last pregnancy landed me on the couch for nearly four months with excruciating pain that made it difficult to stand or even walk across the room at times. Yet I knew my husband wanted and needed me to remain intimate with him.
This last pregnancy had definite good days and bad days, which did help, yet I still felt I was falling short in this area. As a married couple, we both crave that attention and need to know the other is still committed – which isn’t easy amid the swinging hormones and the overall toll pregnancy can take on a woman’s body.
However, this time I was determined to make sure I didn’t let intimacy fall by the wayside. I wanted to make sure he knew just how much I desired him, even if I didn’t feel desirable myself. From past pregnancies, I knew this was just a phase for me and that he still desired me even though my body was changing and didn’t feel “sexy.”
So I was intentional during this pregnancy to make sure I remained intimate with my husband. I know for some women intercourse during pregnancy is painful; if that’s the case for you, I am truly sorry. I have been there. That is why I want to share with you 5 Ways to Keep Intimacy Alive During Pregnancy, even without intercourse.
5 Ways to Keep Intimacy Alive During Pregnancy
1. Flirting Is Sexy
Flirting with your husband can go a long way in the area of intimacy. Flirting can be a form of foreplay, but it can also just be a way for you to remind your spouse that you still find him attractive and desirable, even if you can’t engage in intercourse at that moment.
Flirting is also fun and helps keep a connection between just the two of you. Remember all those times you would shoot him a glance from across the room or campus? He still wants to see those and know that you’re thinking about him. How about a coded text that lets him know you’re thinking about him in the middle of the day? There are so many ways to “flirt” with your husband that let him know you still desire him.
2. Keep Dating
With four other children in the house and my husband’s schedule up in the air at times (he’s a minister), it can be difficult to carve out time for just the two of us. We don’t live near family, and a babysitter for four kids can get expensive when you add in dinner and/or a movie. However, I did hire a sitter for my last OB appointment, and we went – just the two of us. I actually had my hospital pre-visit appointment the same day, so it was a nice day out for just the two of us, with lunch squeezed in the middle.
If you can continue to go on regular dates, I highly recommend you do so. Life gets crazy, at least for a while, with a newborn in the house, and staying connected to your spouse is vital.
3. Be Open and Honest
Communication is KEY during pregnancy. Whether its your first or fifth, each pregnancy has its own set of challenges. I was tired most of my first pregnancy, but I didn’t have other children running around to care for. I was able to nap when I wanted and be awake in the evenings with my husband. After a few kiddos, though, that became a little more difficult.
Keeping those lines of communication open and being honest about how you feel with your husband is what will help him know you’re trying to stay connected and intimate. Don’t forget that conversation can be intimate as well. Talk about what pleases you and what hurts, so that he won’t be afraid of being sexually intimate. It can be scary for both of you, so just talk.
4. Try Something New
Don’t be afraid to try something new. Maybe what “worked before” doesn’t now, or maybe you hurt after intercourse. Whatever it may be, there is hope and you can work through it together. I will be honest with you: This took me a while to “get over,” if you will. Growing up in a strong Christian family, there are just some subjects that are taboo – and sex was one of them. However, after being married for thirteen years, I am now comfortable talking with my husband about what works and doesn’t work, and we have learned to work through the tough times together. There are helpful tips in the book, What to Expect When You’re Expecting, that can help with the pain and give you ways to remain sexually intimate even in the last weeks.
5. Consult Your Physician
If you’re still concerned about sexual intercourse during your pregnancy or you continue to have pain and issues, consult your physician. They are there to help you and encourage you.
I remember during my first pregnancy I had terrible pain during intercourse. I finally broke down and told my doctor, only to find out it was an infection that could be cleared up easily with medication. What a relief! However, I was also saddened that I had waited so long to ask. So don’t wait. Be willing to talk with your doctor about any issues that arise – the answer may be a simple and easy fix.
Pregnancy is a wonderful experience for both husband and wife – as long as you take the journey together.
Annette has been married to her husband and best friend for 12+ years. Together they are raising their four children to follow the Lord’s will, no matter what. Annette longs for the day when she will meet her 8 angel babies who have entered heaven before her. She enjoys creating FREE PRINTABLES for homeschool families and she gets her scrapbooking fix in by making Subway Art for herself and her readers. You can follow her crazy life at In All You Do, where she blogs about homeschooling, gluten- and grain-free recipes (when she cooks), homemaking, the occasional DIY projects and maintaining her sanity. You can also keep up with her via Facebook, Twitter, Google+ and Pinterest.