5 Things to Do to Build Trust in Your Marriage
Trust is the foundation for any relationship, regardless of the individual dynamics. Perhaps you have a friend you have known since childhood and your experiences together have forged a strong trust relationship. Or maybe you entered into a work contract and, although the company is new to you, you trust their reputation to fulfill their side of the contract.
A cornerstone of trust can begin through many avenues of meeting and courting a spouse. While God unites marriages through various means and circumstances, once married, we can’t expect our trust relationship to grow and thrive if we do nothing to foster that trust.
Whether you are newly married, married for a second time, or married for ten or more years, building and maintaining trust in your relationship is vital, especially when bumps pop up along the road of life.
In the first year my husband and I were married, we experienced far more than our share of those bumps. That first year, we blended our families, bought a house, I lost my mother to cancer, my uncle died, my husband’s grandfather died, and my daughter was diagnosed with a terminal disease. All within the first 11 months of our marriage!
When my husband and I look back over that time period, now 15 years later, we feel so blessed that God gave us wisdom and strength to keep going. The trust we were building in our relationship held our marriage on the right foundation of total trust in God and His sovereignty. Today I wanted to share 5 things to do to build trust in your marriage. These points are ones we are thankful we executed when we look back at that first year of our marriage.
- Maintain a personal relationship with God individually.
My husband and I were reading our Bibles and praying daily, each of us alone with God. I just don’t know how we could have made it through if we weren’t reading God’s Word to nurture our spirits. Satan knows that planting seeds of doubt is effective to introducing sin; this habit of his dates back to Eve in the Garden of Eden. When Eve began to doubt God’s Word, she opened the door to a world where trust is lacking. To combat the possibility of mistrust, walk closely with the Lord through personal quiet time.
Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. James 4:8
- Confide in one another and hold this confidence sacred.
Sharing your most personal feelings with someone means that you trust them not to break your heart. If feelings were items you could hold in your hand like your wedding ring, you would guard them with your life. Sometimes I think we forget that intangible gifts of marriage, like sharing our feelings, are more sacred even than the tangible gifts. My wedding ring is a symbol of love between my husband and me; I’m not going to share it with anyone else. Likewise, the words he confides in me should not be shared with others unless he gives his permission.
Whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets, but he who is trustworthy in spirit keeps a thing covered. Proverbs 11:13
- Attend and serve in your local church faithfully.
My husband and I were both blessed to grow up with Christian parents who took us to church faithfully. Both of us knew the importance and value of hearing God’s Word preached and serving in our local church. What we probably weren’t wise enough to know during our first year of marriage was how much God would use this commitment to grow our relationship together and forge a strong trust between us. Listening to messages from God’s Word, sitting side by side as a couple, gives the Holy Spirit an opportunity to grow your marital trust.
And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near. Hebrews 11:25
- Keep all promises to the best of your ability, even the “little” ones.
We’ve established that building trust requires effort from both sides of any relationship. Keeping your promises to one another seems obvious, but again this area can be one that “sneaks” up on us. We look at our marriage vows that may have been quite broad and general in terms and think, “Yes, I’m keeping those.” But we forget to bring home that gallon of milk that was requested. Now, I’m not saying a gallon of milk will break the relationship (see point 5), but I do believe that the more promises you uphold between one another as husband and wife, the closer your bond and the greater your trust in each other.
Truthful lips endure forever, but a lying tongue is but for a moment. Proverbs 12:19
- Forgive each other easily.
Mistakes are going to happen. People are people and they get tired. Most of us recognize fatigue can bring out the humanity in a relationship like nothing else can. Don’t sweat the small stuff and make amends quickly. Although the events of that first year escorted stress into our marriage, we sincerely valued the everyday moment and saw no value in holding grudges. I’m thankful for that!
Bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. Colossians 3:13
Building trust requires being intentional. My personal experience is that God greatly used the above 5 points as ways to build trust in my marriage, and this beautiful foundation of trust served us well when times were tough. No matter where your marriage stands right now, my prayer is that the Lord will use these points as reminders to grow in love for each other and trust in each other.
Rachel Wojo loves her husband and 7 children more than life. As a sought-after blogger, author and speaker, she mostly enjoys caring for their busy family, whose ages span 3 years to 23 years and includes a special needs daughter. Rachel leads community ladies’ Bible studies in central Ohio. In her “free time” she crochets, knits, and sews handmade clothing. Ok, not really. She enjoys running and she’s a tech geek at heart. Wife, mom, reader, writer, speaker and dreamer, you can find Rachel on RachelWojo.com.