Being in a godly marriage doesn’t mean everything is all fine and dandy. In fact, there are several lies Christian wives believe that makes their marriage feel everything BUT pleasant. We feel it’s important to air a few of these out because there are many wives believing these lies and it is keeping them bound in their marriage. Our hope is that if you struggle with any of these lies, that you will break free from their yoke of bondage and understand, believe, and walk in the true liberty of being a Christian wife.
5 Lies Christian Wives Believe
1. You have to have sex with your husband every time he wants to (or else you’re being “disobedient”).
The Scripture that always comes to mind with this topic is 1 Corinthians 7:5 – Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
The sad part is it has been used time and time again to get wives to have intercourse in times they simply do not want to. The truth of the matter is there are important boundaries that should be set within marriage, especially when it comes to sex. That is the principle the above Scripture is highlighting. There should be mutual consent, but this takes communicating with your spouse on what that looks like.
Have those important discussions so the latter part of the verse does not become an issue. Establish a healthy sexual relationship so that unexpected expectations do not cause further issues… especially with the next lie.
2. It’s okay if your husband watches porn.
Some wives honestly believe it is okay for their husband to watch porn and when asked why, the answer is usually rooted in some type of guilt. Whether it’s because they are not as sexually active as their husband wants them to be or they feel it is necessary to help them in that area, pornography is a sin.
We know that’s not common theology, but it is the truth. There are many reasons why pornography is a sin. For starters, it is idolatry. Going to the extent to find satisfaction and gratification through men/women is in direct violation of Exodus 20:3-6. Pornography is also adultery. Jesus, Himself, even talks about how simply looking after another woman in lust is committing adultery in the heart. So how much more is this the case when pornography is involved?
Other sins involved with pornography are deceit, greed, and ignoring the Holy Spirit. These each have their own roots but collectively contribute to your husband sinning when he is choosing to look at pornography. Even if he is open about it and you (currently) endorse it, still doesn’t negate the fact that it is not pleasing to Heavenly Father.
3. Your husband is the “head” of the family, therefore he rules over you.
We want to be careful with this lie and not ignore the man’s commission to be the head of his household and lead it in the ways of the Lord. However, this is another lie that has caused wives to hinder themselves from equally running the household with her husband. While the men have specific roles and duties, your roles and duties as the wife should compliment his.
This is especially difficult if your husband is not leading in a godly way, in which the circumstances may be a bit different. Keep in mind that God created Eve as Adam’s helpmeet. Their marriage was an ebb and flow. Adam was not put in a position to rule over Eve to keep her hunkered down or from walking boldly in who God called her to be.
4. You need your husband’s permission for everything you do.
Simply put, this is just wrong. Asking for your husband’s permission reiterates the last lie, on top of putting him in the place of God. The word permission should be replaced with support. Believing you need your husband’s permission for everything you do is abusive and dehumanizing.
It goes back to cultivating healthy communication with your spouse where instead of feeling like you need permission, you go to your spouse in need of support or wise counsel. There are times I’ve wanted to hop up and do something, but when I discussed it with Mike, he was able to discern some things I could not and led me in prayer. Having this kind of support is the best and it continues to build our trust with one another.
If you find yourself scared to bring something to your husband’s attention or ask for his guidance or wise counsel, you may be believing this lie.
5. Your “job” is to take care of everything at home.
This is another lie that most wives feel guilted into, especially when they do not work. While some women may choose and/or be called to be home with their children, the husband needs to help take care of home, too. Believing that because the husband works there is nothing for him to do at home is degrading and sexist.
Not to mention, if you have children, they need to see a balance in how the home is taken care of by both parents. It’s also healthy for them to get a correct depiction of the godly roles and characteristics of husbands and wives.
If you found yourself shaking your head and even telling yourself, “Yeah, that’s me,” we want you to begin praying that God would open your eyes to His truths. Ask Him to show you, lead you, and guide you into walking out a godly wife lifestyle the way He ordained it to be. Also pray for the confidence to begin having conversations with your spouse so you can both get on the same page about these lies. You deserve liberty and freedom and not be snared by the bondages of these lies.