3 Things to Remember When You Face Separation or Divorce
I remember that night so clearly. I’d left so that my boys didn’t see their dad packing up his things for good. I didn’t want that image burned into their minds and young hearts. So I ran from the house and stayed gone for several hours. When I returned home to put my babies to bed, the silence in the house was almost deafening.
Marriage requires work. Separation is hard, and divorce is devastating. I’ve been through each of these (some more than once), and I’ve learned that there are things that help you get through the pain in a God-honoring way.
I want to start off with the most important thing you can do when you go through hard times in your marriage: prayer. For me, praying for my ex-husband was the last thing that I wanted to do. I was so consumed by my hurts that I didn’t want to pray for him. I choked on prayers for reconciliation. I wanted to hold on to my bitterness instead of seeking God’s will for my marriage.
2. Wise counsel
Wise counsel is also important. Anytime that we go through a tough time (especially when we are trying to deal with sin in our lives), the Bible tells us to seek the counsel of others. You don’t want to talk to just anyone, though. You need to prayerfully seek the right person. You want to talk with someone that will point you to God and not just say what you want to hear. You need someone that will help to hold you accountable to God’s standards during this time in your life. They can help you to see your situation more clearly as you make tough decisions and choices.
I would caution you to seek counsel from only one or two people. It can be tempting to run to as many people as you can find for prayer and help, but resist that urge. You do not want to go around telling your business to everyone. It can do more harm than good in the long run. If someone wants to pray for you, they do not need to know every detail of your personal struggles.
We were created to be in community with each other and this is really important during hard times. Sin often drives us into isolation. When we are alone we are more vulnerable to attacks from Satan. Stay connected to the Christian community. If you feel like you can’t attend your church, then find a new congregation to fellowship with. Join a small group or Bible study with other moms. Keep meeting up with friends for encouragement and prayer.
I never imagined that I would walk through the number of trials that I had to face in my marriage. I tried to do things my way. I kicked and screamed when God called me to do hard things. But when I yielded my heart to His call I was able to walk through my trials in a way that honored God and proved to be a blessing to others.
If you are walking through the trial of separation or divorce let me encourage you to keep your eyes on God. Follow His plan for your life. He loves you and will never leave you on your own!
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LaToya is a recovering perfectionist and control freak that loves old movies, good books and strawberry Häagen-Dazs® ice cream. She traded in a law degree to homeschool her children and be home full-time to serve her family. Through trials of divorce, depression, death and more she has learned how to find joy in motherhood and broken circumstances. As a certified life coach it is LaToya’s desire to encourage and equip other women to do the same.